Saturday, February 18, 2012


So after two more trips to the hospital to get fluids, my doctors decided it was time for a feeding tube. I haven't been able to keep water or food down for over a week, so we are hoping it will give me energy to keep going! They were able to do an ultrasound a little baby is doing great. She (I'm positive it's going to be a girl) is just taking whatever she needs from me, and I'm so grateful for that! Now we just have to make sure she still has enough to take hence the feeding tube. So I'm going to write what it was like to have the tube placed...if you get grossed out easy I'd skip over this part. Basically it was the worst experience of my life. They take a couple feet of tubing and stuff it down your nose through your throat and all the way into your intestines. Let's just say I was choking and coughing up blood/vomit for ten excruciatingly long minutes. I don't recommend it to anyone, but if it is what keeps me and baby kicking, I was willing to do it! So now home health has come by and set my pump up, and I'm getting some mush through my tube that will hopefully perk me up within the next few days. I never realized before how much I took for granted being healthy. I would seriously give anything to be able to go for a run or a swim or even be able to drink a big glass of ice water! At least this is not a permanent thing. I have to try and keep perspective so I don't get too depressed. Thank you so much for all of the prayers! I truly think that has made all of the difference!

Tuesday, February 14, 2012

Baby Merrill!

Yep. You read it right. Seth and I are expecting a little one this September! I know you are supposed to wait until twelve weeks to announce it, but there a couple reasons why I decided to announce it earlier. Number one, I have a huge mouth and am a horrible secret keeper. Number two, this pregnancy has been so hard on me. At six weeks I was already barely keeping anything down. Now, at nine weeks I have already had to make two trips to the hospital to get an IV because I was so dehydrated. I have lost eleven pounds in one week. I haven't been able to keep any food down in four days, and even ice chips are a struggle. My doctor has put me on every medicine he can, and it still isn't keeping me from throwing up upwards of thirty times a day. I was expecting my pregnancy to be rough, but I had no idea how much of a trial it would be for me. It is really easy to get depressed when you feel the sickest you have ever felt in your life...especially when you know you will most likely feel that way for months. I have truly had to rely on my Heavenly Father to help me make it through this. Without Him, I don't think I would make it. Of course there are many other people who have been such a help to me through this hard time. Firstly, Seth. Thank you for being so patient and kind. Thank you for cleaning the house without being asked, for sitting in the ER with me when you had work to do, for fetching me cool wash cloths and medicine. You are my rock, and I wouldn't want to begin this journey into parenthood with anyone else. To my mom. Thank you for listening to me cry for hours on end everyday about how hard this is. Your compassion is inspiring. I wish we lived closer, but I find it incredible that I have such a close relationship with you although you are far away. Amber, thanks for listening and bringing me food (it was worth a shot!) and a movie when Seth was away. It really helped lift me up. Whitney. Thank you for driving all the way down to Provo and bringing me my pregnancy survival kit! You are such a good friend, and I am so grateful for you in my life! And to everyone else who has kept me in their prayers thank you so much!!! I'm meeting with a high risk pregnancy specialist tomorrow, so if you can, please pray that the doctor will be inspired as to how to help me. I really need to make it through this semester, and this appointment has given me hope that I will be able to. Although this has been by far the biggest trial in my life thus far, I am so excited to be a mom! I am grateful for the blessing of being able to do so, and I can't wait for the adventure to begin!